Why is "Feminism" a Bad Word?

I spend a lot of my down time in the company of men. That most likely comes from growing up with three older brothers and seeing how they were given preferential treatment. A person naturally goes the route to get the most attention, and boys seemed to get more attention than girls just because they were boys. 

Regardless of the reason, to this day I find myself more comfortable in the company of men. 

So when the topic of feminism came up, I saw the horror in one friend's gaze. "You're not a feminist, are you?" he asked me, something akin to fear in his gaze. 

Amusement burst through me. He's ex-military and has faced down worse things than I'll ever be able to conceive of, yet the thought of dueling with a feminist gave him qualms. I indicated the affirmative and something flashed in his gaze. "But a true feminist doesn't just want equality for women but for both genders," I added as this is a belief of mine. "After all, it isn't fair for a woman to say that we shouldn't be made into sex symbols and then turn around and say a man has to have a certain physique or he isn't a real man." 

A flash of surprise crossed his gaze. "Oh," he said. And, "Really?" Then he told the story he had in mind, which I cannot recall at the moment, but can imagine did not paint women in the brightest colors. 

It is a difficult thing to be a self-hating feminist. Growing up seeing women subjected to the will of the men around them, I grew to hate my innate feminine. "Feminist" was a word I often heard coming from men dripping with loathing. But why would a word inspire such an emotion? 

Why is feminism a bad word? 

As I've studied over the past years, I've come to determine that perhaps it isn't the word that is "bad" so much as the fear it inspires. After all, anger is often used to cover up fear, and women being empowered - perhaps even overpowering men - has to be a frightful prospect to a person who is used to being deferred to, waited on, etc. 

This blog comes to mind because I received a call from one of the few women I consider a close friend today. I could have cried during our conversation. She was upset because a male relative - someone she hasn't seen in years - is staying with them and has made several misogynistic comments. She's outnumbered three to one at the moment and despite being able to hold her own in an argument, sometimes even the most logical of arguments won't hold water to someone who truly believes they are right. 

For instance, once upon a time I argued with my grandfather about a verse in the Holy Bible. I cannot remember the specific verse, however, when I showed him the page, chapter, and verse I spoke of, he asked me one question: what version of the Bible is that? I told him and his response was, "that's not the right version." 

The "right" version...of the Holy Bible. Yes, I realize that more weight is put upon certain versions over others, yet even now, my reaction is really? I mean...really??

So...a book heavily edited by men can have its authenticity called into question because of the current version that is being used. 

My teenage mind was blown. I was right; I knew I was right and my father and several others at the table during the discussion agreed with me. However, this one man refused to see my point of view because of something that shouldn't have mattered. I didn't bother to pull out his so-called "correct" version because I knew it wouldn't matter to him even if the verses were verbatim. He had his mind made up and anyone who said differently was wrong. 

And that's what my friend is facing right now: that kind of close-minded belief that ignores common sense and puts blinders on the believer to any other walk of life. There is no arguing with that kind of belief.

Just like those times as a child when I heard male authority figures speak the word "feminism" or "feminist" as if even speaking the word put a bad taste in the speaker's mouth, this conversation gave me the same feeling...that by dint of being a woman, we are "less than." By dint of a genetic quirk, I am a woman and even that is taken from women - the male parent determines the gender of the child, after all. 

How does a woman hold her head up under the weight of such a powerless existence? 

By creating feminism and by being feminists. We require the empowerment of a word that strikes fear into the hearts of (some) men and maybe it's wrong, but it gives me a heady feeling of euphoria to know I wield some sort of power over the other half of the planet's population. 

Generations of women have been subjected to the will of others, yet we have survived and today we thrive. We make the decisions about when or even if we have children. We decide to go out into the workforce for a career if we want one. We realize that we have a choice! We can sit back and feel victimized or we can fight back. Sometimes fighting back gets nasty. Sometimes men don't even realize we are fighting back. Hell, sometimes we don't even realize we are fighting back because our rebellion is such a small, seemingly insignificant thing - but what matters is that we lift our heads up high and refuse to cower. 

I am Amber Joelle, daughter of Lolita Ann, daughter of Serena, daughter of Clara Lillie Bell, daughter of Lula Watt. I am proud to be a daughter of strong women who fought for what freedoms I have today. And when I'm feeling subjected, all I have to do is look back at them and I remember that I have a choice: let myself become victimized, or thrive. 

It's a difficult thing to learn to love oneself after seeing how women are treated as less than and every day is a struggle to remember this choice. 

I choose to thrive.