For a long time I've struggled with being an atypical woman. By a typical woman, I mean a woman who wants children, family, and a career to juggle atop those (or not). So atypical = no kids, and more of a concentration on career and other things typically associated with men.
Let's be honest here: kids intimidate me. As a teen, there were many parents who wanted me to babysit for them. This didn't work out well. I did have one family that I regularly babysat for, but their kids weren't infants, and the oldest was old enough and respectful enough to help keep an eye on the younger two.
Not a difficult job there.
In addition, I never had a younger sibling or cousin to look after. I am the youngest of four. The next youngest cousin in line is five (maybe six?) years younger, and didn't live close enough for me to get regular experience babysitting her. I attended a couple baby showers here and there with my mom, but I never really "got" what the deal was. The first time I refused to hold a newborn (literally - had been born maybe an hour or two beforehand) I was told I was a chicken. A different friend asked me if I wanted to hold his month-old daughter and I said no. You would have thought I'd told him pigs fly by the look he gave me.
What? How can a woman not want to hold a baby?
Easy. It's a tiny human that screams, sleeps, soils itself, and pukes. Okay, I know it's more than that, but those are the primary things for a good deal of time when it's first born. In addition, it's incredibly fragile and I'm incredibly clumsy. Recipe for disaster there, really.
That being said, part of a woman's life is invitations to different kinds of parties and showers, but the ones that I always dread are the baby showers.
This may sound strange, but it is really quite simple. I dread them because I feel that, as a woman, I am expected to go and fawn over tiny outfits and other things, whereas guys get a pass because they're, well, they're guys. We women can't expect men to want to attend a baby shower. After all, they have more important things to do, right?
Get real. We don't expect them to go because typically guys just don't go to baby showers.
When I was told at five or six years old that I could either help in the kitchen or in the nursery at church (since I was told I couldn't lead singing), I had a realization: if I'm not good around kids, they won't want me to help in the nursery. If I'm not good at cooking, they won't want my help in the kitchen, either.
Did I set out to be intimidated by kids or to burn half the things I attempt to cook (not being sarcastic there - I still end up burning half the food I cook, even with the microwave) on purpose? No, I didn't set out with that in mind. I just lived my life and thought that, as a woman, something was wrong with me.
But there isn't anything wrong with me. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to be good with kids! Just because I was born with two X chromosomes doesn't mean that I am a natural in the kitchen!
In fact, I don't want to spend all my time in the kitchen or caring for children or juggling both of those with the addition of my career. It may be far-fetched, but I don't want the child-rearing or kitchen responsibilities AT ALL, not even if they're shared with a spouse. Sure, I've gotten to the point where I can manage in the kitchen enough to keep myself (and occasionally my husband, too) fed. Most of the time he does the cooking, and is happy to do so. And I am VERY happy to let him!
I love to drive (it's rare that my husband drives when we're both in the car), I love to work and I derive a certain satisfaction in seeing us stick to our budget (that I track in an excel spreadsheet) every month. I like seeing the yard freshly cut and knowing that it looks good because I got out there and cut it.
Am I saying that all guys enjoy all those things that I just listed? No. But they are typically tasks attributed to men, and, quite frankly, they shouldn't be, just as child-rearing and kitchen duties shouldn't be typically associated as women's roles.
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